This feeling is not sadness, this feeling is not joy
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Below are the 10 most recent journal entries recorded in the "Morag the Mighty" journal:[<< Previous 10 entries]
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03:06 am
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Seriously, should I just sell my collection now and get it over with? (x-posted)
Hey guys,
For those of you who've been following the life of the Morag, you'll remember that I had to sell a bunch of my BPAL earlier in the year to pay for dental work. Now we're free of that, I've been very excited in getting back into BPAL, discovering new scents, finding old on- Oh no, wait. The neurologist says I need to cut back quite a bit on the things that have been known to trigger my seizures, which includes, but is not limited to computer access, fine detailed painting or beading, and my BPAL. What the actual fuck, universe, what did I ever do to you?
So now, here is some more 'dead weight'. Wah. The usual disclaimers apply. I can do Paypal and/or bank deposit. Prices are in $AU. Shipping is $5, unless explicitly stated otherwise, free shipping with purchases over $30. Purchases over $50 will be registered on me. And of course, buy more, and I'll cut you some sweet deals. Strikethroughs are pending
SPECIAL: Buy any two bottles at $14 or lower, and get the pair for $26 shipped!
( Lunacies, Bourbon Vanilla Massage Oil, and new LEs by the truck load below! )
Thanks for looking, guys!
=^..^=
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10:54 pm
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BPAL sales (x-posted)
Hey guys,
Let me tell you, it's so good to be trying so many new things! Of course, this brings with it the usual problem of finding ones that don't suit, but my loss is your gain! The usual disclaimers apply. I can do Paypal and/or bank deposit. Prices are in $AU. Shipping is $5, unless explicitly stated otherwise, free shipping with purchases over $30. Purchases over $50 will be registered on me.
( Tattered Lace, Winter Solstice Lunar Eclipse, various Yules and more below! )
Thanks for looking, guys!
=^..^=
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04:09 am
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Is that me I see?
Thank you for answering my scream, my people. You are the best of angels.
I guess I should mention me. Last time I wrote, I sounded like I was doing kinda well. I guess I really wasn't, though, I guess this has been coming for a while, and that recent events have only exacerbated it.
There's a thing, you see, that I've realised. I stopped being the cat that walked alone the second, the very second that I had something that I thought of as my pack, my tribe. I won't go back to being that cat- as much as I may miaow, I'm a wolf at my heart.
The problem with this is that I need confirmation that I exist. It isn't exactly a matter of self loathing; there is loathing, but it's not this. If I am wounded alone, how do I know that I'm actually hurting? If I do something beautiful or joyous or shameful or grotesque, how can I possibly expect to objectively define that, without external input? Without echoes, how do I even know I'm making noise?
I mean, sure, some people say that one needs to do more than exist, one needs to LIVE, but I think there's a subset of existance below that. You know, the one where even acknowledgement is an act of grace and praise. Where you aren't even a grey face, just a block that fills a hole, like air fills a vaccum- present but unnoticed but for the moments of blinding clarity from those who care to look. Where you're not even a person, but a concept- not 'the lady with the cat across the hall', or 'the man who works in the cubicle three down', but 'the neighbour', or 'someoene who works here', and there's even more vague labels beyond those.
That's where I go when I don't get feedback, and I fight hard to get out of there, but it's a self-fulfilling state. If people aren't acknowledging that I exist, then I must not actually exist, I shouldn't bother them with the inconsequential fact that I do. It's a vicious kind of apathy towards the self. It can't even bring itself to hate.
I talk a lot about who I used to be, the girl I was. One of the first actual discussions about how borked I am inside started "I remember when we met, you used to skip down the street singing. I miss that girl." I think she's this kind of ideal, but I'm not sure she should be. That girl turned into the woman that's sailed out the other side of hating herself.
But she's still worth something, because I can see her now. I didn't realise I'd stopped singing while I was out until a while ago, when I realised that I'd stopped because I was afraid of drawing attention to myself. I've also noticed that I've started again. I've started actually reading new books, as well, and doing crafty stuff, and writing. I've even come back to Livejournal :P
It's as if I'm standing at the edge of a tall building, and I can see something that looks like that old me, floating over the road, just out of arm's reach. I want her back, well, at least some of her. But do I jump for her, knowing that the fall, if I miss, if she doesn't exist, will kill me?
=^..^=
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06:12 pm
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House of Reps marriage equality survey
Originally posted by ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=92.1) drjon at House of Reps marriage equality surveyThis one should be shared far and wide: the House of Representatives has a very short, very simple survey about marriage equality, ie, should we have it? Word is that it's so far been spammed by naysayers, so it would be cool if that could be turned around. The survey is here: http://www.aph.gov.au/Parliamentary_Business/Committees/House_of_Representatives_Committees?url=spla/bill%20marriage/index.htm (snarfed from lizbee) |
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06:19 am
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DEAR EVERYONE YOU ARE AWESOME.
I just thought I would drop out of radio silence to remind you all that you are excellent people. I can't think of any of you that this doesn't apply to. You are all awesome. Go forth, and be awesome. I believe in you <3
Carry on!
=^..^=
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12:15 am
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Sure, it may be ten minutes late...
And there may be no lilacs here in Australia at this time of year. But I remember who we're not singing with.
=^..^=
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07:50 pm
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Random imp samplers (xposted)
So guys, I may have mentioned previously that my untried imps collection has gone absolutely Librarian poo. I've been trying to work out how to get this sorted without killing myself from sensory overload.
Then I had an idea! So, here's the plan. I have seven slots for 'random imp packs'. They will contain seven imps, at least one of which will be LE, another one at least will be from a non-BPAL retailer, and all of them will be at least half full. This random chaosplosion can be yours for $5!
Just let me know if there's anything you're allergic to, hate or otherwise can't stand.
So... can I tempt anyone?
=^..^=
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01:07 am
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Also, I'm alive
And seeing as I'm up and vaguely moving around, I should, like, update on my life or something.
So the epilepsy is going a bit crazy. I've been avoiding seizure triggers for about three weeks now under the pretty real fear that I'm going to have an epic sezure. It's ruining my ability to do anything, which is seriously stressing me out. I literally can't go to games right now, or see people unless I have someone on hand who knows how to read my warning signals. So that's kinda shit. Means I get to sleep a lot.
The extended relationship thing is going OK. The dynamics are settling down and we're all getting on really well, I think. It's a bit exciting.
Other than that... yeah, not a lot to talk about <3
=^..^=
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01:01 am
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I keep wondering if I've done something wrong
So, the BPAL community has been very quiet recently. Understandable and all, but a lot of people are showing not a whole lot of interest in my sales posts and group orders- mostly they're coming through non-LJ people. Kinda makes me wonder if I've done something wrong that I don't know about. I like to think my prices are equitable and that I get group packages out in good time. IDEK. Maybe it's just cos the BPAL market is super shitty at the moment.
=^..^=
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08:36 am
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BPAL Group order (xposted)
Hey guys,
Just wanted to let you know that I'm going to be putting in an order to the Lab on Friday, May 6th. Yay, RPG line! :D
=^..^=
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